evolving

I love baseball…
I loved playing it, I love talking about it, & I really love watching it.
I was okay when I played, but I was way too emotional. And emotion and baseball usually don’t mix well. I mean great baseball players fail at the plate around 70% of the time. For a guy like me…it didn’t mix to well. I can’t tell you the number of times I heard the words, “Keep you head up�.

I don’t quite understand it all, but I’ve come so close to calling it quits these last few weeks. I’m not sure why, but I just have. It has been so hard.

I guess what I’m trying to say is, “I’ve had my head down.� And I’ve heard people tell me (in so many words), “get your head up.� But that really didn’t make me want to. I couldn’t and I can’t cover up the truth about how I feel. I can’t just “pick my head up� and pretend that nothing is going on inside.

So last night was kind of the climax of all these emotions. I was home alone and I put my ipod on and just sat on the sofa. I was listening to Erwin’s podcast about, “is Jesus the only way?�

As I listened, I heard these words, and love picked my head up.

“All of creation was designed by God to pursue you with His love.�

“When Jesus says He’s the only way, He’s telling you…I am the one who loves you. I am the one who is pursuing you. I am the one who is willing to pay the price for your love, for your life. Choose me and live.�

In that moment I was reminded of something deep and real in my life. I was reminded of how deeply loved I am. That makes me what to keep going.